Ain't Got No Soul

4 years ago today I flew in a plane for the first time.  I flew from Vancouver to Winnipeg.  So today I took the day off work.  And drank heavily.  The song Love in Vain seems to entirely and completely sum up that experience.  Robert Johnson originally wrote it.....though the Stones did a pretty respectable cover of it.  The blue light was my mind.




The other day I went over to a friend's place.  I have not spent enough time hanging out with this friend over the last few years.  In a roundabout way, it's an innocent casualty of that plane flight.  When I was at my friend's, there was another fellow there.  Seemed like an agreeable chap.  He asked me how I knew my friend.  Said I used to go to church with him.  He asked where I was going to church now.  Said I wasn't.  He asked if I was in between churches.  Said nope.  Asked if I had a change of heart.  Said yep.  Asked if I was following a different relgion.  Said nope.  Asked why I had change of heart.  Didn't much have the desire to explain the reasons.  Asked if it was because of other Christians.

I find it weird that Christians always seem to blame other Christians when someone jumps ship.  This tells me that Christians seem to think there are a lot of assholes following the same beliefs as themselves.  Personally, I think if you abandon your religious beliefs because a few assholes share the same beliefs as you, you probably didn't really have those religious beliefs to begin with.  So its probably not the biggest loss to the Christian faith when these people jump ship.  Also, there are assholes in every group of people, so its best not to get too worked up over assholes.

I'm an asshole.  I wish the neighbour above me would get raped by a pack of orangutan.

For the record, I don't believe in god.  Significant portion of that is related to that plane trip I took 4 years ago.  Though not for the reasons, I think, that other people seem to think.  People make their own decisions in life.  Asking god to make someone like you would be ridiculous.  I never asked that.  People make their own decisions.  I asked god for something else.  Something quite reasonable.  And when someone else decided they didn't like me, god didn't deliver afterwards.  Plain and simple.




I bought the CD For Emma, Forever Ago by Bon Iver when I was in Edmonton, driving to Vancouver.  It's an excellent album, but I can't listen to it cuz its sad as shit.  I recently bought the vinyl on principle. It was like a big fuck you to myself.  I've never listened to the vinyl.  I probably won't ever listen to the vinyl.  Except for maybe on a day like today.

I never understood how Bon Iver was nominated for the best new artist grammy this year, when I had bought this album 4 years prior, after searching for it for a few months.




Since I flew back, its safe to say I basically gave up, for all intents and purposes.  I started drinking after not having a drink for the first 26 years of my life.  It helps take my mind off things.  I also got fat.  Though I may have very well have gotten fat anyways, so who knows.

It's probably safe to say I won't be a family man at this point.  A relationship seems like it would be an unwanted burden.  Unless I was really sold on the girl, I guess.  But I haven't met a girl I'd be sold on at all in some time.  Because at the end of the day, it's a person you have to spend the rest of your life with.  Which is why I won't settle for someone I'm not totally sold on.  Which is why I probably won't get married.

I think its weird what traits people seem to look for in a partner.  More and more people are looking for someone that they think would be interesting to fuck.  Or so it seems.  But when you think about it, your gonna fuck this person a bunch for the first few years, then the amount of fucking will start to decline quite a bit, then you might start taking pills so you can keep fucking every once in awhile. But, like, the last half of your marriage, there will be no fucking.  You'll just be two old people spending the rest of your lives together, not fucking.  Which is why I think its more important to find someone that is interesting to hang out with.  Cause the last half of marriage is just hanging out.

I need another Jack.