Gary Bettman can eat a dick. Why? Because today I froze my face off standing in the middle of a soybean field for 14 hours, in the cold, in the wind. Why? Because I no longer have a beard to protect my delicate face skin and meat. Why? Because I shaved off my beard, with its protective thermal insulating layer of beard hairs. Why? To protest the NHL lockout. Why? Because Gary Bettman can eat a dick.