Sunday, 16 September 2012

Brad's NHL Lockout Protest: Day 1

At the suggestion of WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-TYLER!!!!!!, I've decided to wage a protest against the NHL owners, commissioner Gary Bettman and their precious little NHL lockout.  And how will I do so?  Well, if the NHL is going to deny the world the precious gift of hockey than I shall, in return, deny the world the precious gift of beard.

That's right, folks.....despite being blessed with the incredible gift of beard.....a beard so majestic and powerful that others not blessed with the precious gift of beard are able to live their lives vicariously through it, I have decided to deny the world this beautiful creation of god until the NHL decides to no longer deny the world the wonderful, courtly and monumental recreation that warms the cockles of hearts known as hockey.

As such, I have decided to shave off my beard.  And I shalst continue shaving my beard until such a time as the NHL removes the lockout and provides the world with hockey, instead of withholding it on some sort of power trip.

Now, I don't have a digital camera so I will have to provide an artistic approximation of the before shot:

And now, thanks to the cold hearts and vengeful minds over at NHL headquarters, I present to you the artistic approximation of how I now appear, sans beard:

Truly hideous.  How will Gary Bettman and his owner cronies be able to sleep at night knowing the world is now such a hideous place and one of the god's greatest gifts to mankind is being denied on a daily basis?  How will they be able to sleep at night knowing that, with each passing day of the lockout, I will continue to not get laid due to my newfound hideousness?  And what happens when winter comes and my sensitive face skin is no longer protected from the harsh cold by a comforting, insulating layer of beard?  Do they have no humanity?

No comments:

Post a Comment